As my eyes flutter open from a drug induced sleep, I see total darkness….(oops I’m wearing my eye mask) The realization of the past 12 hours comes back to mind and that’s when the panic starts to set in, not to mention the reality. My husband is deployed, gone, for months…..wtf.
You would think after 6 of these miserable things I’d be adjusted, used to the idea and concept and therefore, should be able to handle this like a pro. But the reality is I’m not. Every one, just like the last, is a miserable process of saying goodbyes, anxiety, crying fits, and breakdowns over and over until our final goodbye before he boards the bus that takes him to the plane that will take him to the other side of the world and in harm’s way.
I wonder every time, am I strong enough to handle this again? I question on and on and I always come to the realization, yes, I really am. God never gives us more then we can handle and he knows what we need more than we do. It makes me stronger, it makes me independent, and it makes me a better wife. My husband will agree with me when I say it makes us both appreciate what we have and the love we share. A separation shouldn’t be the reason you feel this way but it’s the reality. I never want to be apart from that man a day in my life.
So I march on and embrace the deployment suck because after all, someone’s got to do it, it might as well be me because I can handle it and will continue to until that man I love and married says he’s had enough of it too. We all have to embrace the suck at some points in our lives. Either a job we can’t wait to get out of, or the never ending morning sickness of an entire pregnancy. Just keep in mind, it’s not all for nothing. You can do it, even if you don’t believe it, God certainly does and maybe someday, you will too!