It seems we are always in some state of waiting. Waiting for the work day to end. Waiting for a loved one to come home. Waiting for dinner to finish cooking. We are obviously no stranger to the waiting game. What if every month for 12 days you were on the edge of your seat waiting to see if your life was going to change? If you were finally going to possibly become a parent?
For years, since we have been trying to become parents, I made it a point to not get to obsessed. To not get to the point where it’s all I think about every minute of every day. This may come to haunt me in the long run but that’s what I chose to do; what we chose to do. Stressing and obsessing would make things hard and could ultimate prevent pregnancy. I’m afraid I’ve come to the point and age were that’s not going to be an option for us anymore. I can’t just be lazy about it any longer. I need to be vigilant and keep it in the back of my mind.
So this month I did everything I knew to do. I charted my temperature, I took the ovulation test, I took the vitamins and anything else that would increase my chance of conceiving this month. Once your job is done, there is literally nothing else to do but wait. It’s out of your control, out of your hands. You are now an innocent bystander. All you can do is hope. Hope that the sperm meets the egg, the egg makes it down to the uterus and finds a nice spot to implant itself. This entire time you are pretty much clueless. When it doesn’t work out, which will be 90% of the time (women over 35 without any underlying fertility issues has a less than 10% chance of conceiving every month according to thebump.com), you wonder what went wrong. What didn’t work out? Until you can kick yourself and obsess over and over about what went wrong, you must endure the torture of the wait.
The seconds, minutes and days are the slowest I’ve ever had to endure. It seemed an hour didn’t go by without me wondering if I would have happiness or disappointment waiting for me after those 12 long days. Every symptom you seem to feel comes with it’s own obsession wondering if this is a sign you are indeed pregnant. They say you really need to wait the full 12 days before taking a pregnancy test but who are they kidding? I can’t wait! Especially when you hear of women who find out a week after they ovulate that they got their pink line. I want to know as soon as possible; I’m not waiting! So you go ahead and waste money on a test that you know 99% of the time will be negative. More so because you aren’t producing enough of the hormone but usually because you aren’t pregnant to begin with.
So you continue to wait until finally, it’s the day of your expected period, this should be the day you know for sure. You feel the cramps but you felt them when you were pregnant before. That’s why you didn’t test again to see if you were pregnant even after your period didn’t start for a week. You test and this is what you see.
THE BIG FAT NEGATIVE.
Soon to follow the period to add insult to injury.
Guess what? You get to do this merry-go-round again next month. Another torturous 12 days to wait and wonder. Bring it on! I’m ready. FML
Can anybody else relate? What are you waiting for?