Something that is always brought up in conversation whenever I talk to anyone about my infertility is adoption. I can’t help but cringe inside just a little when I hear that word.
Before you think I’m an evil, selfish person for feeling this way about adoption, let me first say, I think adoption is amazing. It brings children with no parents, or parents who aren’t ready, to loving couples who want so desperately to be a mom or a dad. Everything about adoption is wonderful. So why does it make me feel like throwing myself off a building every time the word is spoken to me and possibly other infertile couples?
It makes us feel like we are a lost cause
Personally, telling someone, “Just adopt, maybe you’ll get pregnant after” is translated into “Just give up, it’s probably not going to happen”. I realize the sentiment is meant to be one of comfort and support, but to me it makes me feel like a complete failure.
Some women feel they need to give birth to their children
I’m completely and totally ready for the fact that, I may need donor eggs at some point. This is something I’ve been wrapping my head around to get comfortable with the idea. In my mind, the baby will at least be half of Evan and really, that’s all I want, I want a child that is half of my amazing husband. In the same aspect, I will be able to give birth to that child. I want that experience and that’s something I can’t get from adoption.
Some people don’t know if they could love a child that isn’t their own.
I really don’t know. At this point in my journey, I’m not sure it’s possible. I do hope this view changes. Maybe I’m possibly being extremely short-sighted. Am I just so focused on conceiving on our own that I can’t open my mind and heart to an adopted child? Perhaps. Everyone’s reason is different, mine is just a feeling.
Adoption sounds like the most unpleasant, tedious process.
Not only can it take years, but it can take thousands upon thousands of dollars. I never do things half-hearted and for someone like me who isn’t sure she wants to adopt, the challenge and struggle will keep me away. Unless you are aware of the process, you should never tell someone to just “adopt”.
Adoption is not a last resort
I know lots of families that have several biological children and it was always their plan to adopt, and they do! These people are selfless, amazing humans. For the rest of us suffering with infertility, it may seem to you like the last-ditch effort for ever becoming a parent. It’s not, so please stop talking about it like it is.
I understand your opinions about me may have changed. That’s ok. One thing, I will always be is honest. On a sensitive topic such as this it’s important. The one thing I do hope you take from this post is to maybe not bring up adoption to infertile couples unless they talk about it first. If you care about the person, you won’t do it. Just don’t please.
Try to remember, it’s not for everyone. You may feel they are selfish people, maybe I am. If it’s in God’s plan, he will change our hearts and minds. I do pray one day he might but for now, this is where I stand.