It’s a known fact that stressors like money problems and moving can hinder your relationship. Infertility with its many challenges including worry, depression, and grief can be even more damaging. Let’s not get into the fact that men and women handle these things in completely different ways, further widening the gap between you and your significant other.
What can we do about it? While there is no quick solution to the problem, there are things you can try in order to reduce the stress and get back your bond.
Take care of yourself
It’s important that you keep doing the things that make you feel good. Get your hair done, do your nails, hangout with your friends, be yourself! It’s easy to just let yourself go and just focus on your infertility. Being depressed can make you stop caring (I’m guilty of this) but it’s import that you fight this. Just one day of getting that massage you wanted will do you a world of good, and in turn your spouse will notice your happy and improved mood.
Set a time once a week to talk about TTC, and that’s it!
Constantly talking about your infertility can really get overwhelming for you and your significant other. Make sure to set a meeting once a week to talk out everything TTC and that’s it. Avoid bringing it up again and again unless it’s something very important, like after an appointment you had.
Have a date night once a week
Yes, just like when you first met, be sure you are taking time for just the two of you. You don’t have to spend money (we can’t right now we are saving for our IVF), go for a walk, take a bike ride together, sit in the park, just about anything were it’s just you and him. It should be a given but, this is not be the time to have your TTC meetings, so no TTC talk at all.
Talk about other dreams for the future
Yes, I know the baby is the dream, the ultimate goal of your life right now, but what about those other dreams you had before you went baby crazy? Like that house you wanted to own, that car you dreamed of owning, or that pool you want to put in your backyard? Talk about your goals and how you are going to achieve them someday. I know it’s hard to think about them especially if you are like me, trying to save for your treatment. They may be on hold, but you should be thinking about them and making plans to make them a reality.
Take a vacation
Even if it’s just to a B&B an hour away from home. Go and take some much need R&R together. Destress and get back to what really matters and what you had before you started this long, trying journey. It was you and him so get that back with an escape. Again, no TTC talk!
Tip: Keep infertility out of your daily conversation
I know you are going through a hard time. It’s almost impossible for it not to have an effect on your relationship, so I really truly hope these help you start to reconnect with your SO again. If things are more serious, please don’t be afraid to seek help with counseling or a support group. There is nothing wrong with getting extra help if needed.
So what did I miss? What do you and your SO do to stay connected?