April appears to be a lucky month for me, or unlucky, depending on how you look at it I suppose. I got pregnant last year in the month of April and now for the second year in a row, another pregnancy has taken place, my second, I’ve had two total pregnancies and both were a year apart. Just like last year, it wasn’t meant to be. In the span of just a week, I went from hope to heartbreak. Unlike last year when I miscarried at 10 weeks and had what is called a missed miscarriage, what happened this time is known as a chemical pregnancy.
If you have been following my story, you will know that this is my second medicated cycle this year. Last cycle I had to two perfect follicles but neither one of them took. This cycle, I had 4 lovely follicles most likely due to the 3 extra days of injectables I took. I was feeling hopeful having so many and was even given a warning about multiples, but because of my situation, it wasn’t a worry to me at all. 4 tiny chances at a baby which is equaled to 4 months for a fertile women.
When I woke up on the morning of Sunday, April 17th, I noticed my boobs were extra sensitive and sore feeling and I was having little cramps and pulls in my uterus. Almost every woman has boob sensitivity before their period but this was on another level and something I didn’t remember with my first pregnancy. I became excited and I was one day away from my period so I decided to take a pregnancy test. I had a bunch of internet cheapies ready to go so, why not? I set the test down and walked away like I normally do and when I came back to look, there was a beautiful second line staring back at me. It wasn’t even a squinter, it was dark and completely visible. My heart leaped into my throat and I started to shake. OMG, I’m pregnant!
I ran out to the store and got some First Response test and to my delight, I got a nice pink line. It wasn’t blazing but it was solid and was visible on camera. I didn’t expect it to be dark, I still haven’t missed a period at this point.
I started thinking about the future and due dates and all that but something in my heart told me to stop. Maybe I knew something was wrong, maybe because I’ve already had a miscarriage before. My plan was to test again in the morning and if the line was still there, I would call my doctor and tell them. I knew they were going to have me come in for a blood test if I did.
How I knew I would miscarry.
Monday morning came and I jumped out of bed like a kid on Christmas morning to test again. I wanted to see that line again and I wanted to see it even darker than yesterday. I sat and waited the three mins first with an internet cheapie and my heart started to sink. The line was there but it wasn’t any darker, it had gotten lighter. Next I did the First response test and the same thing, my line was significantly lighter than yesterday’s test. From all my research and knowledge I knew this was a bad sign. HCG doubles every 24-36 hours and you can see the increase on a lined pregnancy test. Even a test you took in the AM by the evening you should be able to see a darker line on the next test.
With that little faded line, I decided not to call my doctor. I was sure by that night, I would most likely get my period. To my surprise, I didn’t and tested again on Tuesday morning. This time the line on the test was the same as yesterday test. What the heck is going on? Granted, I still knew deep down this wasn’t good but I called my doctor anyway and went in for the blood test. This would be the sure way to really know what’s happening. I got the results back Wednesday afternoon and it wasn’t good news. I was indeed pregnant but my HCG level was extremely low and so was my progesterone. I was devastated and even though the nurse wanted me to retest on Friday to see which way it goes, I lost any shred of hope I had left. I knew it was over, my pregnancy wasn’t viable and as quick as my joy came, it was now diminished again. I started spotting Thursday night and by Friday morning, I was full on bleeding. It was over.
In less than a week, I went from pregnant, to not pregnant.
What is a Chemical Pregnancy?
In case you aren’t familiar with what a chemical pregnancy is, it is a very early miscarriage. Why it’s called a chemical is because it’s so early, only a blood test or pregnancy test would be able to even clue you in on the fact you are pregnant. When it’s visible on ultrasound, you can usually see a sac at around 5 weeks, is when it’s called Clinical pregnancy. What happens usually with a chemical pregnancy is the embryo starts to implant into the uterus and produces HCG which tells you and your body you are pregnant, and you are but for some reason, usually due to a chromosome abnormality, the embryo never fully attaches or just stops growing and that’s when your HCG level starts to drop and the pregnancy is no longer viable.
It’s a cruel joke mother nature pulls on you and is very common from what I hear. Unless you are TTC, you may not even know you had one. You may think your period is just late that month. Even if I didn’t test a day before my period, I still would have known something was going on because 5 days late would have clued me in for sure.
What’s the plan from this point?
Wednesday, I did break down and cry uncontrollably for a few hours but really, I’m ok. I’m on birth control and gearing up for my 3rd and finally medicated with TI cycle. I wasn’t going to do a third cycle but seeing how this worked, it didn’t work out but I got pregnant, I want to try it again. If this fails, we are full steam ahead for IVF. We are currently working on the details for IVF and getting mentally and financially ready.
I can’t wait for the day when I can update this blog with photos of our baby. I don’t know when or how that will happen but I know in my heart it will. I will never give up until I have a baby in my arms. I am now a mother to 2 precious angels and I can’t wait till I can hold my double rainbow baby!