In life, sometimes we meet people we don’t agree with. It’s usually easy to walk away and never see them again, but what if that person is your Reproductive Endocrinologist? How do you deal with disagreeing with someone who is supposed to be helping you reach your life’s biggest goal? What if they aren’t taking your concerns seriously and don’t even listen to what you are saying?
Sadly, this happens all the time to our sisters in the TTC community. And it definitely needs to be talked about more. We put complete faith in our doctors and then doubt ourselves when they brush aside our concerns. Maybe you’ve done some research yourself and think you may have a condition that is not very common but you feel in your heart, this might be the reason. You tell your doctor and he brushes it aside and says, “No that’s not it, you’re wrong”.
I want to take a minute and share a story with you about my friend, let’s call her Alice. So far, Alice has now experienced 3 chemical pregnancies and is possibly experiencing a 4th at this moment. We don’t know because she didn’t take any home pregnancy test after her last FET and had a negative beta test. She did, however, experience some early pregnancy signs just days before the beta test. So that’s 4 FET’s, 6 embryos, 3 embryos which have been tested for PGS and came back completely normal. Now, I don’t know about you, but I thought this was really bizarre. Her last RE even changed her regimen and was confident that this change would get her pregnant and keep her that way. But alas, it also failed. Alice was moving and needed a new RE, so she thought it was a good time to consult someone new.Questioning your current Reproductive Endocrinologist? Please read this! Click To Tweet
She had done some research on her own and found she might have a rare condition called NK killer cells. These cells basically destroy the embryos and don’t allow them to finish implanting in her uterus. It’s a rare condition, no doubt. But it fit everything that has happened to her thus far. She had a video consult with a doctor out of the state and he agreed this could be the culprit. There was a simple blood test she could take to find out, too. After talking to that RE, she was sure this was it and hoped beyond hope that the RE in her new place would help her get tested and find out if indeed this was the cause.
Unfortunately, this was not the case. When she had a consult with the new RE, he actually didn’t listen to her concerns. He immediately had his own conclusion and wasn’t taking anything she said seriously. She had 2 PGS test normal embryos left and this RE was ready to discard them because he felt her embryos were the issue, not that there was something wrong with her. This really gets to me because there is no way I would just throw away perfectly good embryos and not at least give them a chance to grow and live. They are like my children and I for one would feel protective of them. But even that feeling aside, she didn’t want to simply start over because it would be at least a year or more before she could have IVF again. She was disgusted with this RE for many reasons and one being he didn’t take her seriously and wasn’t even willing to test her for the NK killer cells.
So what did Alice do?
She did the right thing, she took matters into her own hands. She decided to kick him to curb and have the testing done herself. Knowing in her heart of hearts, this had to be it. And you know what? She was right. Three weeks later her test came back positive for NK killer cells. All this time, her body was rejecting her embryos and she had no idea. All because her RE wasn’t either willing to listen and test her. How long would she have gone on not knowing and how many more failed FET would she have had to endure if she had listened to what that RE was saying? I’m really glad she won’t have to find out and now, I just wish the same for you.
I’m happy to report she has found a great RE in the area who is willing to listen and treat her for NK killer cells on top of doing other testing in case of other issues.
So, if you feel like you’re in a similar situation where your RE just won’t listen – now what? What can or should you do if your RE isn’t taking you seriously?
Do your research.
You need to be your own advocate. No one is going to look out for you like you can. Research, read, ask questions, and then ask some more questions. You need to stand up for yourself and demand the care you deserve.
Find an RE who is willing to listen to your concerns and is open-minded.
No doctor should be closed minded with a one-size-fits-all approach. You need one who is open to possibilities and will be aggressive in addressing them.
Technology can be your best friend.
Thanks to computers and Skype, you can find a doctor across the country or even across the globe! You are no longer limited to an RE in your area. This makes it so much easier to find a doctor who fits your needs. Don’t settle!
Don’t be afraid to say goodbye to your current doctor.
Your time and money is important and so is your RE’s. If things aren’t jiving, don’t be scared to tell them so. Moving to a new doctor is as easy as calling your old RE’s office and asking them to transfer your records.
If you’re wondering if you should find a new doctor, I really hope this has helped you make a decision. Even having the slightest doubt that your current RE isn’t listening or being as aggressive as he should be, it’s time to have a talk. If you still can’t get through to them, it’s time to move on to someone new. A fresh, new perspective and a new set of eyes may be the step you need to take to get your baby in your arms. Don’t waste any more time. Today is the day to take things into your own hands.
How do you feel about the current care from your Reproductive Endocrinologist?
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