Have you heard his term being used in reference to a military spouse? Urban Dictionary says a Dependa is A person who is married to someone in the service who doesn’t just depend on their spouse for financial support, but pretty much relies on them for it. They start out all cute and All-American until after the wedding, then it’s like cookies, couch and Coach purses. Arguing with other dependas over Facebook all day over who’s the bigger dependa. They’re generally not educated and have no goals or aspirations in life. They live their lives through their husband’s successes and think they rank and are better than “civilians” when they themselves are in fact…still civilians.
How I learned what a dependa meant.
I first heard this term used when I was a moderator for a Facebook page that was dedicated to Military Spouses, Girlfriends, and Family members. Another Facebook page would intentionally stalk the page I was moderating and others like it looking for posts from spouses: Questions about benefits, statements about infidelity. Basically anything and everything that may make a military spouse or girlfriend look unsavory. They’d use our posts to fuel their Facebook page and portray us all in a bad light. Something someone wrote on our page was posted to this filthy, bottom feeders page and of course, we were all upset and the spouse who posted the question was upset too. This got me started on researching and I read all about what people would call a dependa.
I’ve never met a Dependa
I realized, there was not one person I knew that fit this description. I’ve met a lot of military wives and I can honestly say, almost all them worked or had worked in the past, were extremely educated (most of them have Masters degrees) do not sit around the house all day on the couch eating bonbon’s, and they all have goals for the future. Whether it’s family, education, or work they’ve all reached out for their goals.
It’s completely wrong that people put us all in this category when they really don’t know who we are or what we are about. We are human! Some people put us under a microscope and expect more of us because we are military spouses. Maybe we should act and behave like the first lady, but at the end of the day, we have problems and flaws just like everyone else.
Why you’ll never be a Dependa
Do we possess characteristics of a Dependa? I’m sure most of us do. For example, I like to Michael Kors purses, or I did. I actually haven’t bought one in a long time. Apparently Coach and Michael Kors are the choice of Dependa’s everywhere. My point is, I’m not a Dependa.
Do you find yourself questioning if you fit this description? Just stop right now. You could never be a Dependa because a term can never define who you are. This term was created by angry people to put us all in a category and in a bad light is complete and utter bullshit. Don’t give into the stereotype. You are so much more, my friend. Always remember you are extraordinary and no one will ever know your struggle. It’s easy to judge when someone doesn’t know the real you. Forgive them and know that deep down, they are wrong.